The Brothers Gunn
by The Gothic Disney Fanboy
Summary: My first Disney fanfiction. A parody of the 2005 Terry Gilliam movie "The Brothers Grimm". Guest stars six of my OCs specifically created for this parody—Robert, the Captain of King Roland's Royal Army, Dummkopf, Trottel, and Giselle. Modern Alternate Universe. Sofia and her friends are teenagers in this story. Please review!
1. Prolouge

**Hello, people! I am new to the Disney fandom and this is my very first fanfiction. It is a parody of a 2005 action-adventure/historical fantasy movie called _The Brothers Grimm_.**

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><p><em>Sofia the First<em>,_ Tangled_, and _Brave _belong to the Walt Disney Company and Pixar Animation Studios.

_The Brothers Grimm_ belongs to MGM Studios and Miramax Films.

**Read and review!**

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><p><strong>Prologue<strong>

It was midnight in the Enchanted Forest. Ruby Hanshaw and her best friend Jade, alongside their best friend Princess Sofia and her stepbrother Prince James, walked along the dirt path. Ruby was wearing a hooded cape of bright red velvet. Jade wore an outfit that Sofia had made for her. The dress consisted of a blue silk bodice and a red cotton skirt. The dress's short puffy sleeves were made of golden-yellow satin. The cuffs of the sleeves were light blue velvet. In her hair was a red headband with a red ribbon on top.

As the children walked, ravens cawed amongst the trees. Clutched in Ruby's left hand was a wicker basket with a red-and-black gingham cloth lining. Sofia, Jade and Ruby skipped towards a rosebush. They stooped over and began to pick the ripest rose hips. As they were putting them in the basket, Sofia sang the song _Mary Had A Little Lamb_. Jade and Ruby adored lambs, but they enjoyed teddy bears as well, especially if they were pink and holding little teacups.

Ruby accidentally pierced her thumb on one of the sharp thorns, drawing blood. She put her thumb in her mouth and sucked the blood from it. At that exact moment, she heard the howl of a wolf.

"What was that?" Ruby glimpsed at Jade.

"Perhaps it's a werewolf," Jade supposed. "Mommy always told us to watch out for werewolves."

Shivering, the girls picked up their things. They backed up as one of the trees stood upright on its roots, waving its branches around as if they were arms.

The four teenagers ran as fast as their feet could carry them. Ruby dropped her basket as she looked past her shoulder. Sure enough, hot on their trail was a colossal she-wolf with black fur, her garish red eyes gleaming like hellfire in the darkness of the night.

"Quick, girls!" James panted. "Follow me to the village!"

A tree root laid itself on the ground and tripped the girls, permitting them to tumble onto the forest floor. Before they get up and keep on scurrying, the she-wolf leapt upon them and opened her mouth. James closed his eyes. The she-wolf grabbed Jade, Ruby, and Sofia and swallowed them one by one.

When James opened his eyes again, he looked about his surroundings. All that he found was Ruby's red hooded cape dangling from a tree branch, swaying in the cold breeze.


	2. Chapter 1

**1. The Captain's Complaint**

A stylish purple carriage rode along the dirt road to King Roland II's castle. In the carriage were Baileywick and his twin brother Nigel. The brothers were castle stewards who had part-time jobs as monster hunters. Seated next to the brothers were their clumsy, dim-witted allies—Dummkopf and Trottel. Driving the carriage was a 15-year-old boy donned from head to toe in Goth-style clothing. His skin was light tan and his eyes were a chocolate-brown shade. Covering his head was short, curly black hair.

The group got off the carriage and went into the palace, entering the dining room. Seated at the table was the captain of King Roland II's royal army. Sitting with him was King Roland II, his royal guards, and Violet the Maid.

"Greetings, Baileywick and Nigel," the driver of the carriage bowed. "My name is Robert. I present to you the legendary leader of the king's royal army, who is also my uncle and my adoptive father."

In the middle of the table was a platter of salami, ham, hash browns, and five different kinds of cheeses. The captain was picking at his meal. On his breakfast saucer was mashed beef with five bratwurst sausages and a side of pickled cabbage.

"What exactly am I eating?" the captain glanced at his guests. "Can somebody please tell me who gave birth to this?"

"It's the Enchancian Breakfast Combo with sauerkraut," Violet the Maid cleared her throat. "I gutted the cow and pig by myself."

"I bet you did," the captain grimaced.

The captain turned his attention to Baileywick and Nigel.

"I've heard from the village of Dunwitty that seven girls have gone missing," the captain nagged. "It might be tricksters that have kidnapped them, or perhaps assassins."

"Or it could be ghouls and goblins," Robert grinned.

The captain flung some sauerkraut in his nephew's face.

"These kidnappers are working as you do," he brushed his moustache. "Same talents, same tricks. It is a thorn in my ass. You pull it out and I'll be obliged to offer you a vast reward."

"So you're saying that if we work for you army folk, we'll be rewarded?" Nigel comprehended.

The captain nodded.

"Go to Dunwitty. Unmask the kidnappers. Find the missing girls," the captain faced Baileywick and Nigel. "If you and your friends fail, the punishment will be far worse than imprisonment."


	3. Chapter 2

**2. Welcome to Dunwitty**

The carriage arrived at the village of Dunwitty, which was two miles from the castle. Baileywick, Nigel, Robert, Dummkopf and Trottel got out of the carriage.

"Good people of Dunwitty," Baileywick smiled. "We are here to cure what ails you."

Nobody responded.

"Hello? Is anybody here?" Nigel called.

Nigel went up towards one of the houses and knocked on the window. It opened to reveal a gentleman, who pointed his beef-and-cheese burrito at Nigel in the same way a cop would point his gun at a criminal.

"Good morning," Nigel jumped back. "That's quite a delicious breakfast you've got there."

Nigel backed up. As the brothers looked around, doors and windows opened, revealing dozens of cranky villagers and children. Some of them were humans, while the other inhabitants were the castle trolls. All of them were holding breakfast sandwiches, burritos, plastic containers of bacon and scrambled eggs, and sausage biscuits.

A troll dressed in a light yellow vest and dark purple trousers came up to Baileywick. He had green skin and orange eyes. On either side of his head were pointy green ears. His dark green hair was in a ponytail.

"Who are you?" the troll asked.

The troll grunted as Cedric the Sorcerer pushed him aside.

"Back off, Gnarly," Cedric griped.

He looked at Baileywick.

"What's your business?" Cedric raised an eyebrow, scratching his chin.

"Our business, Mister Cedric, is to save this village from the most wicked spells and vile curses," Baileywick explained.

"It's too late," Cedric cackled. "The old ways have returned."

Cedric hunched over, sneezing rainbow-colored bubbles out of his nose.

"You handle it, Nigel," Baileywick playfully shoved his brother.

"We come from the castle of King Roland II," Nigel enlightened. "We've heard about your missing girls. The captain of the royal army told us. He doesn't believe in the supernatural, so he thinks that it's a hoax."

"Bullshit," Cedric swore under his breath.

"Hold your tongue, you old enchanter, or you'll get another mouthful of soap," Gnarly scorned.

Baileywick saw a little troll girl running towards Gnarly. She had the same features as him, the only difference being that her eyes were celery-green and her hair was dark brown. Decorating her hair was a large red bow. The child was dressed in a red tank top that reached down to her abdomen and red shorts.

"Gnarly! Gnarly!" the little troll girl grabbed onto Gnarly's left leg. "They can help us."

"Stay back, Teeny," Gnarly warned her. "These strangers might be dangerous."

"It's alright," Teeny smiled optimistically. "They're the Brothers Gunn. They're famous."

"Right you are, little darling," Baileywick patted Teeny's head. "The famous Brothers Gunn. My goodness, Gnarly, you have such a darling daughter."

"She's my little sister," Gnarly corrected Baileywick.

"And a fine playmate she'll make for some lucky babysitter!" Baileywick remarked.

"They kill evil-doers, Gnarly," Teeny looked up at her brother. "They exterminate villains of all kinds."

"That's right," Baileywick grinned. "Of course we do, sweetheart."

Baileywick and Nigel shook hands with Gnarly. Robert went over and hugged Teeny, planting a kiss on her left hand. She blushed.

Baileywick looked around at the villagers.

"Team Gunn is at your service," he assured them.


	4. Chapter 3

**3. Troubles and Tears**

Prince James stood at the podium of the village church, wiping tears from his eyes.

"I was afraid," he told the audience. "I thought the wolf was going to kill me. Then it swallowed Sofia, Jade, and Ruby. Alive! It swallowed them alive!"

Ruby's mother Helen Hanshaw held up the cape.

"Seven girls are missing," Helen sobbed. "Two of them were my daughters. All I found was the cape that I made for Ruby."

"I can't believe that my daughter was swallowed by a wolf," Queen Miranda wept. "Plus, four other princesses—Amber, Clio, Hildegard, and Vivian—were taken."

"We always knew that the forest was enchanted," Flora said.

"With powerful magic," Merryweather added.

"But it's never turned against us," Fauna stammered.

"Until now," Cedric clenched his fist. "The forest turned against us the minute the king's royal guards occupied Enchancia!"

All of the parents bickered and moaned in agreement.

"And it's all the fault of the royal army!" Flora and Merryweather yelled.

Prince James stepped down from the podium, making way for Baileywick and Nigel. Baileywick tapped his pocket-watch against a golden crucifix, calming the villagers down.

"Good people of Dunwitty, you have nothing to fear except fear itself," Baileywick advised. "The Brothers Gunn are with you now."

"But we need a guide through the forest," Nigel complained. "Do any of you know somebody who hunts wild beasts for food and fashion?"

Gnarly pointed towards the window.

"The Butcher," he murmured.

"The Bisexual Tomboy," Cedric beamed fiendishly.

The audience whispered amongst themselves with puzzled expressions on their faces. Gnarly made an X sign over his heart.

"Perfect," Baileywick sighed.


	5. Chapter 4

**4. The Butcher**

Gnarly led Baileywick, Nigel, and Robert to The Butcher's cottage. The brothers and Robert went inside and found a woman dressed in a hooded dress of green plaid. She sat at a glass counter displaying sausages, pork chops, venison, short ribs, and shoulder roasts in plastic packaging. Hanging around the room on meat hooks were the flanks and ribcages of pigs, deer, and cows.

"Excuse me, miss," Baileywick went towards the woman.

The woman pulled back the hood to reveal fiery crimson hair that was as curly as a snail's shell. Her light blue eyes sparkled like the brightest sapphires.

"My name is Merida," the woman said.

With these words, she stormed off into her room. Baileywick, Robert, and Nigel followed her.

"Perhaps you don't know who we are," Baileywick remained calm. "My name is Baileywick and that's my brother Nigel. We're the Brothers Gunn."

Merida ignored the two men and began to skin a dead white rabbit that was hanging from the ceiling.

"We're the men who vanquished the Wily Wombeast and the Jewel-Stealing Griffin," Nigel clarified. "And, with the help of Princess Amber and Prince James, we killed off Mamanu the Cannibal Sorceress."

"Miss, we need a guide," Baileywick was beginning to lose his patience. "We want someone who knows the paths through the forest."

Merida slowly peeled the fur off the rabbit, revealing its pink flesh underneath. She cut open the rabbit's stomach with a dagger and proceeded to remove the internal organs.

"We'll pay you in beads and shiny treasures," Baileywick offered. "By the way, we think that your village is cursed."

"I don't give a damn about the village," Merida uttered as she washed the blood from her hands. "And I most certainly don't wear jewelry."

While Merida was speaking, a knife flew into the chest of another dead rabbit. Robert, who had overheard the conversation, laughed quietly.

"Are you aware that seven girls in the village have gone missing?" Nigel put his hand on Merida's shoulder.

"Three of those girls were my best friends," Merida gasped.

Robert took another knife out of his pocket and held it close to Merida's throat.

"No, Robert!" Baileywick shouted. "We need her alive and breathing."

Robert put the knife away.

"You guys are no fun," Robert stuck out his tongue. "Besides, I was just testing to see if she was useless or not. We can't bring a distressed damsel on our journey."

The next day, the brothers, Merida, and Robert ventured on horseback into the Enchanted Forest.

"If there's a demon in these woods, he's got to have a hideout," Baileywick gestured towards a cave up ahead.

"There's nothing there. Just animal bones and ancient drawings," Merida pouted.

When they reached a clearing, the group got off their horses.

"Why do we stop here?" Baileywick shrugged his shoulders.

"Because the cute and cuddly animals would never come here," Merida turned her head right and left, keeping an eye out for trouble.

Merida gave the thumbs-up sign, meaning that it was safe to continue their journey. The group came across an ancient graveyard. Standing in the middle of the graveyard was a 37-foot tall tower with a pointed roof. Beyond the tower were the ruins of a medieval city. Surrounding the base of the tower were eight stone coffins.

"You know, Merida, our ancestors believed this forest to be magical," Nigel uttered.

"It was until the Catholics invaded," Merida sulked. "Now it's just territory."

Robert noticed statues of skeletal corpses and angels placed throughout the graveyard. Above him were ravens sitting on the branches of trees.

"In the past, King Eugene Fitzherbert built all of this in the forest," Merida lectured the brothers. "His workmen cut down the trees, but they grew back."

"I thought you said that the animals don't come here," Baileywick reminded Merida.

"I said the cute and cuddly animals," Merida blew some hair out of her face. "Plus, they don't drink from the spring."

Merida turned around and saw Dummkopf and Trottel, who were drinking from the spring. They spat the dirty water out in a hurry.

"What exactly happened here?" Nigel asked.

"King Eugene destroyed the forest people," Merida sat down on a log. "He burned them alive in the caves."

"What a horrible, horrible, story," Nigel shook his head. "I want to hear more!"

"They were the lucky ones," Merida looked up at the tower. "A year later the Bubonic Plague came."

"I think we should have a look inside the tower," Baileywick proposed.

"There's no way in," Merida said.

Merida told the brothers that during the Middle Ages, a beautiful queen named Rapunzel lived in the castle. She was seductive, vain and selfish. Unbeknownst to King Eugene, his wife had tortured and killed all of the villagers' ancestors to get her hands on their spells, and one of them was a spell for eternal life. On the queen's wedding masquerade, the Bubonic Plague arrived. The king was the first to die.

Rapunzel conjured a tower deep in the forest and locked herself away, safe from the terrors below. Nevertheless, her survival from the fatal disease came with a price. One night, when looking at herself in the mirror, her luscious skin began to rot away.

"That sounds quite horrific," Baileywick commented.

"Yes, but you know what they say: Truth is more terrible than fiction," Merida assumed.

Nigel sat on a nearby bench and sipped his iced tea. While he was drinking, he noticed the trees slowly come to life.

"Baileywick!" he screamed as he dropped his mug.

As the team prepared to head back to the village, Baileywick noticed his caramel-brown horse jerking wildly. His eyes twitched and he was neighing like crazy.

"Easy there, Hershey," Baileywick coaxed the horse.

Baileywick looked closely at the horse's eyes. That was when he realized that his horse had a special ability.

It was the ability to smell danger.


	6. Chapter 5

**5. A Dunderhead's Idea**

The villagers were astounded to see that Baileywick, Nigel, Merida, and the others were still alive.

"You're on your own tomorrow, my dear men," Merida alerted the brothers. "You forced me to show you the forest and I showed you the forest."

Baileywick followed Merida into her cottage. She was gazing at illustrations of Sofia, Jade, and Ruby.

"There was magical power in the tower," Baileywick kissed Merida on the cheek. "Wasn't there?"

"My wife used to go there," Merida reflected. "Last winter, she was turned into a wolf and left me. I haven't seen her since."

Nigel walked into the cottage.

"Come along, Baileywick," he ordered his brother. "We've got work to do. By the way, would you kindly give us a map?"

"I don't know how to draw a map," Merida retorted. "Besides, how would you intend to save us? I think I'll do my own searching."

With that, Baileywick and Nigel left the cottage.

In the village, Teeny watched as Baileywick and Nigel headed towards the carriage. They packed a blueprint for a catapult and refreshments. As Merida was about to leave, she was stopped by Robert, who held her at knifepoint again.

"This lovely lady will not be coming with you," Robert snickered. "My uncle told me that you can't send a woman to do a man's job."

"That's not true. Your uncle must be a sexist jerkface," Merida pushed Robert away from her. "Go, my dear men. GO!"

The brothers left the village and headed back to the forest. Once their team had examined the blueprint, they brainstormed.

"What if the ropes aren't secured?" Dummkopf asked Trottel.

"They will be," Trottel took a sip of iced tea from his mug. "And if we find these girls, we won't lose our heads."

"We need height," Nigel nitpicked. "And could we check the alignment?"

Baileywick crossed his arms, smirking at his brother.

"A catapult's not going to work," he comprehended. "We need something else. But we need to make it work, guys!"

Dummkopf and Trottel sat down on a bench and thought about their situation. A lightbulb illuminated in Dummkopf's brain.

"They have grappling hooks back at the village," Dummkopf suggested. "We'll be there in no time. Besides, we know the way."

Dummkopf and Trottel raced each other to the village.

"I've got one," Baileywick held up a grappling hook.

He looked down and noticed the decapitated face of a goblin caught on the hook.

"Never mind," he said, dropping the tool. "This is going to be rather dangerous."

"You're damn right," Nigel sniggered.


	7. Chapter 6

**6. The Gingerbread Girl**

"Bring some gingerbread dough, Teeny," Gnarly said to his little sister from inside his hut.

With a bucket in hand, Teeny walked towards the well.

In the meantime, at Merida's house, Robert was using her drawings for target practice. Merida had been strapped into a chair.

"You'd make the prettiest lady-friend ever," Robert complimented Merida.

As Teeny was getting gingerbread dough, she noticed Wormwood the Raven sitting on the edge of the wall.

"Teeny," Wormwood cawed in a raspy, high-pitched tone. "Teeny."

Wormwood dive-bombed into the well. Teeny brought the bucket back up. She pulled the doughy raven out of the bucket.

"Oh! Poor birdie," Teeny lamented.

Wormwood screeched as Teeny fell onto the ground. He was not dead at all. The raven kept on screeching as he flapped his wings, reddish-brown cookie dough flying all over Teeny's clothes. When Teeny got back up, she cleared the dough from her face. There was skin coating where her nose had been.

Where Teeny had fallen, a heap of dough had spilled from the bucket.

"What is going on?" Merida wondered.

As she watched from the kitchen window, a blob of gingerbread dough emerged from the bucket and fell onto the heap. It rose like a zombie climbing out of its grave, becoming a half-formed creature with a nose. It was Teeny's nose.

"Hey, Robert," Merida tilted her head to the right. "If you release me, I'll give you a surprise."

Robert unstrapped Merida from her chair. Merida then bent over and kissed him on the cheek.

Merida darted out of her house and saw Teeny. Walking alongside her was the gingerbread dough blob, which was making her dance against her own will. Gnarly, who had come out of his hut with a bucket of frosting, noticed his little sister's big predicament.

Gnarly took a blunderbuss out of his pocket and shot the creature.

"Teeny, run to me," Merida shouted.

Teeny ran towards Merida. Merida handed her to Robert.

"Go inside and make sure she's alright," she said to Robert.

Robert headed inside, cradling Teeny in his arms.

"It's okay, little one," Robert cooed as he patted Teeny's bottom. "Everything's going to be alright. Don't be scared, sweetie."

Teeny whimpered like a helpless puppy. To cheer her up, Robert bounced her up and down on his knee.

Outside, Merida turned around. She couldn't believe her eyes. The blob had reassembled itself. Merida karate-chopped the monster, but it came back together.

It stretched its arms towards Teeny and forcefully grabbed her from Robert's clutches. Teeny yelped as the monster gave her a spanking before absorbing her into its body. Robert screamed like a 12-year-old.

"I think I just threw up a little in my mouth," Dummkopf stared at Trottel.

"Good for you. I thought that was me," Trottel hid behind Dummkopf.

The gingerbread dough blob hardened into a solid shape as it took on a roughly humanoid form, with stubby feet and no fingers or toes. The creature's face was now comprised of Teeny's eyes, nose, and mouth. It bit into its left arm.

"Scrumdiddlyumptious! I taste good," Teeny's voice giggled.

"Teeny!" Gnarly barked.

The thing hopped towards the well, singing:

_"You can't catch me, I'm the Gingerbread Girl!"_

The being then lowered itself down into the well. Merida and Gnarly followed it.

"Teeny!" Merida hollered.

"Teeny!" Gnarly repeated.

No matter how much he cried, Gnarly had to face the facts. He was too late to save his little sister.


	8. Chapter 7

**7. Eight Coffins, Seven Girls**

Using the grappling hook, Nigel slowly made his way up to the tower's roof.

"I'm doing fine, Baileywick," he called out to his brother.

Nigel finally made it up to the roof. It was shingled with bright orange tiles. He looked down on the ground below.

"Hey, Baileywick," he said. "There are eight coffins placed evenly in a circle around the tower. It reminds me of a clock face."

Lowering himself with the hook, he swung through the tower window and landed on the marble floor. He expected the inside of the tower to be old and covered with cobwebs, but it was well-preserved and looked as if it had never aged.

Hanging from a hook in the wall was a golden crown. Dangling from the high ceiling was a skeletal chandelier with brightly lit candles. On an ivory table were a plate, silverware, a golden chalice, and a spellbook. The spellbook's covers were made of zombie flesh. In a corner was a mirror with a gilded frame onto which was carved vines and flowers.

Nigel noticed a piece of paper wedged in-between the spellbook's pages. He took it out and examined it. Depicted on the paper were the phases of a full moon. Next to the moon phases were eight crosses circling around a woman's face.

"So, there are eight coffins and seven girls," Nigel pondered. "This has to add up to something."

Meanwhile, Baileywick was sitting on a bench, eating a handful of berries when he saw Teeny's body float up from the spring.

"Teeny? Is that you?" he observed

He was about to pick up Teeny when he heard a wolf's growl. He turned around and saw the she-wolf lurking among the coffins. Baileywick's eyes widened as the she-wolf stood up on her hind legs and her head slanted backwards. In ten seconds, it was no longer a beast. It was a tall, pale-skinned woman clad in wolfskin. Her eyes were the color of rubies. Above her eyes was a thick, bushy unibrow. The palms of her hands were covered with hair.

Baileywick hid behind a rock as the woman strode towards Teeny and picked her up. She then held her up towards the tower.

"For you, my Queen," she mumbled.

She set Teeny on the ground. Teeny's eyes opened and she began to walk.

Meanwhile, in the tower, Nigel came across a four-poster bed. Sleeping on the mattresses was an elderly woman with pale skin, rosy pink lips, and emerald green eyes. Her wavy blonde hair was 57 feet long. Covering her naked body was a dress made of purple organza with long, flowing sleeves.

"Holy crap," Nigel exclaimed. "It's Queen Rapunzel."

Back at the forest, the woman laid Teeny down in the eighth coffin. She took a silver spindle out of her pocket and pricked Teeny's index finger with it.

In the tower, Nigel watched as a raven dropped a pea-sized donut into the Queen's mouth, awakening her.

The woman outside heard the Queen and growled at Baileywick, who grabbed Teeny from her coffin. With her titanium axe in hand, the woman was about to strike him when Nigel leapt from the tower, grabbing a small amount of the Queen's hair. He landed on the woman, knocking her senseless.

"Good timing, brother," Baileywick was out of breath.

"The Queen is still alive up in that the tower," Nigel warned him. "After all these years, but they haven't been kind to her."

Nigel grabbed the woman's axe.

"She has the spell for eternal life, but not eternal youth," he simplified. "She used to be awfully sexy and all, but now she's an old hag."

The brothers exited the forest, but the trees blocked their way. Nigel held the axe in front of the branches, making them shrivel and break off.

"The axe is enchanted!" Nigel cheered.

Mounting the horses, the brothers galloped out of the forest. Nigel waved the axe around, destroying as many trees as he could. Their horses trotted to the village.

"Safe at last," Nigel heaved a sigh.

"But not quite," Baileywick reassured him.


	9. Chapter 8

**8. A Second Chance**

The villagers crowded around the unconscious body of Teeny who was lying on a wooden table.

"What happened to her?" Gnarly sniffled. "There's no breath and no pulse."

"She's cursed forever!" Cedric cackled. "These girls shall all perish beneath the full moon, which comes tonight."

Cedric sneezed once more and limped back to the castle, hoping to find some medicine to cure his abnormal illness.

"Listen, we know why your forest has turned against you," Nigel spoke up. "It's under the power of the malevolent Queen Rapunzel. She's kidnapped these innocent females for their youth and beauty."

"She needs eight females," Baileywick chimed in. "Teeny was meant to be the eighth. The Queen needs one more to enact her spell."

As the villagers cleared out their children, the royal guards rode into the village. The captain moved to the center of the crowed, where there weren't so many people.

The villagers removed their hats. Robert bowed before the captain.

"Where have you been, nephew?" the captain asked.

"In the Enchanted Forest with my friends," Robert said.

The captain had enough of this nonsensical talk. He grabbed his nephew by the collar of his shirt and slapped him across the face.

"Citizens of the Kingdom of Enchancia, I hereby pronounce the Brothers Gunn as guilty for crimes of dishonesty, child theft and illegal pranks," the captain announced to his armed forces. "You see, they are pranksters and kidnappers. We shall execute these frauds at sunset."

The guards gasped with the crowd.

"Speaking of execution, I have a little surprise for all of you," the captain motioned to his valet.

The captain's valet reached into a burlap sack. He held up the severed heads of Dummkopf and Trottel, who had their teeth pulled and their eyes gouged out. The parents panicked, covering the eyes of their children. Just then, Merida came running to the scene.

"No! You can't! You mustn't!" Merida objected. "You're outright accusing them of something they didn't do. Baileywick and Nigel didn't cause any of this. Please, captain, give them a second chance."

"Fine, I will," the captain sniffed. "But only because a woman told me to."

On hearing this, Baileywick and Nigel gave each other fistpumps.

When night came, Baileywick, Nigel, Robert, and Merida journeyed back to the forest. When they reached the clearing, the she-wolf leapt down from the trees, growling and snarling at the brothers. The wolf gnashed her teeth at Baileywick, nearly biting his fingers.

Merida kept her distance as the she-wolf shifted back into a woman. Merida gazed deeply into the woman's eyes.

"Is that you, my lovely Giselle?" Merida flinched. "Where have you been?"

"In love," Giselle said.

Giselle snapped her fingers. Her axe left Nigel's hands and ended up in the hands of its former owner. Giselle raised the axe, but Nigel pushed her out of the way. Baileywick hit Giselle over the head with a tree branch. Merida tripped over a rock and fell into the spring. Nigel tried to jump into the water, but Giselle waved her hand around which caused the spring to freeze.

"Merida!" Nigel hollered.

Merida descended into the icy waters below. Nigel pounded on the ice, but it didn't do him any good. Moments later, it split apart. Baileywick was speechless as Giselle turned back into her animal form.

"Baileywick, Merida's the eighth!" Nigel realized.

Giselle let out a harsh roar at Nigel.

"Run, brother!" Nigel bellowed.

The brothers ran through the forest. As they ran, Giselle rescued Merida from the spring and pricked her index finger with the spindle.

Placed in the eighth coffin, Merida looked like a living painting. She was the canvas, and the forest was the artist.

"Good night, my princess," Giselle kissed the cheek of her ex-wife. "Remember that pain is only temporary, but love is forever undying."

Giselle sealed the coffin. She walked towards the tower and raised her arms to the sky. Baileywick and Nigel stopped to watch as Giselle levitated and slowly soared into the tower. Nigel looked up at the clouds.

"The full moon has risen," Nigel patted his brother on the back. "We have to go before it's too late."

In the tower, Giselle dragged Queen Rapunzel out of bed and seated her in her throne. She handed a diamond bottle filled with blood to her mistress.

"Aye," the Queen spoke softly. "I bestow thanks upon thee for bringing me the blood of the eight girls. Finally, I can restore my youth and beauty."

During the intervening time, Baileywick and Nigel opened Rebecca's coffin. Before they could do anything else, they were stopped by Robert, the captain, and his valet.

"Execute these sons of bitches," he commanded.

Robert pointed his pistols at the brothers.

"Listen, we found the missing girls," Baileywick shook as he started to sweat. "They're resting in the coffins."

"I didn't come here for storytime," the captain grumbled. "Robert, shoot them now!"

Robert tried to pull the trigger, but he couldn't. He just couldn't. Deep down, he liked Baileywick and Nigel. And they liked him even though he was a little odd.

Robert turned the pistols on his uncle. But his uncle shot him in the leg. Robert fell onto one of the coffins, grasping his chest.

"What an idiot my nephew was," the captain snickered. "At first, I was nice to him. I gave him snacks and goodies for his good behavior when he was little. But now, he turns against me, which proves that he's a total-"

Before the captain could finish his sentence, a tree root impaled him straight through the belly button. The valet stared at Baileywick.

"How dare you kill my father," the valet snatched the axe from Nigel. "Now I shall kill you!"

"He killed our friends, you bastard," Baileywick snapped as he took out his sword.

"I only wish you had more," the valet taunted. "Of course, there's always your brother."

Baileywick and the valet engaged in hand-to-hand combat with one another. The valet held the axe to Baileywick's heart.

"You must die, you coward," he declared.

_WHOOSH! _The tree root sprang forward and burst through the valet's stomach. The axe dropped from his hands, which Nigel retrieved. He reused the grappling hook and flew through the tower window.


	10. Chapter 9

**9. The Queen's Demise**

"Soon, we shalt be together forever," Queen Rapunzel caressed Giselle's forehead.

Nigel landed on the floor, catching his breath. Giselle took the heart-shaped crown from the table and placed it on the Queen's head. Rapunzel greedily took hold of the bottle and drank.

Outside of the tower, Robert heard the sounds of the ravens cawing together three times in a row. The lids to all eight coffins opened, revealing the females who slept within.

Back inside the tower, Nigel turned to see Baileywick making his entrance.

"I'm exhausted," he huffed.

Queen Rapunzel ignored the intruders, chanting:

_"When the moon becomes full again, so shalt I,_

_And soon the whole kingdom shalt forevermore be mine!"_

The beams of moonlight hit Queen Rapunzel's face. In fifteen seconds, she transformed from a disgusting hag to an alluring sorceress.

"I am beautiful again," she felt her face. "And I no longer have use of thee."

The Queen grabbed Giselle in a chokehold and sucked her soul from her body. She dropped her dead lesbian servant onto the floor.

"Come hither, Baileywick," Queen Rapunzel blew a kiss at him. "Come hither, and I shalt make thy romantic fantasies come true."

Baileywick staggered towards Queen Rapunzel, who held him in her arms.

"Complete the spell, my sweet new lover," the Queen waved a hand across Baileywick's forehead.

She removed her dress and chanted:

_"Mirror, mirror, on the wall,_

_Who's the fairest one of all?"_

"You're the fairest one of all," Baileywick answered, hypnotized by her glamorous face.

Baileywick held the Queen close to him, ready to smooch.

"No! Don't lock lips with her!" Nigel shouted.

Nigel swung the magical axe and shattered the mirror. He turned around. Queen Rapunzel squealed like a hyperactive chipmunk as her beautiful skin cracked and peeled off.

"Look what thou hath done!" she shrieked.

Baileywick took a gigantic shard of the mirror and jumped out of the window. As soon as he hit the ground, the glass disintegrated. Queen Rapunzel let out her final cries of agony before decaying into a corpse, which shattered just like the mirror.

An hour later, the tower began to quiver violently. Nigel looked for a safe place to hide. He ended up cramming himself in between the mattresses of the Queen's bed.

The tower collapsed like a rapid avalanche in the cold days of winter. Roof tiles, stone, and debris crashed onto the ground.

When the rubble subsided, Robert searched throughout the ruins until he found Baileywick and Nigel.

"Where's Merida?" Baileywick sputtered.

Robert led the brothers to Merida who still slumbered in her coffin.

"There is still time to awaken Merida," Robert instructed Nigel. "All you have to do is give her the Kiss of True Love."

"But she's in a coma," Nigel hesitated. "And besides, we've only known her for a couple of days."

"Does it look like I care?" Robert sassed.

Nigel bent over and kissed Merida on the lips. Her eyes fluttered open as she exhaled noisily. She rubbed Nigel's left cheek.

Jade, Ruby, Sofia, Amber, Clio, Hildegard, and Vivian awakened from their coffins. Sofia, Jade, and Ruby ran to Merida, embracing her.

"The nightmare is over," Robert addressed to the girls. "The Queen's spell has been broken."

"Now let's go home," Baileywick raised his hands in the air.


	11. Chapter 10

**10. Happily Ever After**

As soon as daylight came to the village of Dunwitty, Gnarly led the castle trolls in a funeral procession, since his only sister was dead. He placed Teeny in a coffin and set it atop the funeral wagon.

"Well, boys," he shrugged his shoulders. "It looks like a beloved family member bites the dust."

However, as they were heading towards the village graveyard, the wheels of the wagon bumped against a rock. The coffin shook. Teeny coughed the water out of her throat and batted her eyelashes at Gnarly.

"I missed you, big brother," she stammered.

"And I thought I'd lost you forever," Gnarly cuddled his sister close to him.

The villagers caught sight of the missing girls, who were skipping merrily out of the forest. Queen Miranda, Queen Cecily, and Helen snuggled their daughters, relieved that they were unharmed. Teeny and Gnarly gave each other playful nudges.

"You know, Baileywick, I always thought you were the best sibling ever," Nigel stated.

"Well, our mother did love both of us," Baileywick proclaimed. "And she even shared some of her portions with us at dinnertime when she didn't feel like eating anymore."

Merida, who was waltzing with Jade and Ruby, came up to the brothers and kissed them.

"You're welcome at my house anytime, brothers," she high-fived Baileywick. "It's my home, after all, and anybody is welcome."

"I thought you were going to end up with the lady and I was still going to be single," Baileywick pointed to his brother.

"Well, I am pretty handsome," Nigel adjusted his glasses. "By the way, I was thinking of an alternative career, something that would use our newfound expertise."

"Like witch hunters?" Merida recommended.

"That won't work. We're not used to witchcraft," Nigel clarified. "But in the past, people believed all witches to be demonic spawns from the flaming belly of Hell."

"But they aren't," Baileywick justified.

"You've got that right," Nigel chortled.

Nigel witnessed Robert tickling Teeny and blowing raspberries on her belly. Teeny grabbed onto Robert's shoulders.

"Stop it!" Teeny could not take it anymore. "Please, stop! My lungs are going to burst."

"Hey, Robert, are you ready for life at the castle? It's quite relaxing there," Baileywick guaranteed.

"Are you kidding me? I was born ready!" Robert voiced his approval.

Baileywick, Nigel, and Robert followed the royal family back to the palace for a celebratory feast of victorious triumph over the darkest evils. In addition, maybe the brothers would hook up with a few castle maids while doing so.


End file.
